Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Thoughts on Marriage

I sure am glad that I'm married and not dating. What a chore to have to sort through personalities and people to find someone that you can tolerate and who can tolerate you ~ hoping that some spark will ignite. It sounds so depressing.

Sometimes H drives me nuts - he's a difficult and complicated man - but overall I'm just glad I'm married and in a solid relationship. 17 years we've been together ~ married 13. That sounds like forever to me right now, but it feels so good to know that he'll be there when I get home; that he's just a phone call away; to know he's next to me when I wake up from a nightmare; to know that when everything else goes to hell, he'll be there.

On a day to day basis we have our "moments". I'll admit that I sometimes fantasize about what my life could be like if we were no longer married ~ all of the choices I could make for myself without having to think about how he'll feel about it. To only have to answer to me. But that brings a whole set of problems in itself. Single parenting is far from easy. A mom can never be a dad. And not to have that one solid steady person who knows all of your flaws and your strengths and who you can count on come rain or shine ~ well that would just be sad.

The core reasons why I was initially attracted to him still apply. While he may be reluctant to commit to plans with me in advance, or to go "out"; while he may be at odds with me on any given day and we may disagree about a lot of stuff in our daily lives; the fact is that when it counts he is there and I'm just thankful.

Me

2 comments:

Dirkin said...

I think marraige is not so much necessary today as in the past, but is still something that is very special if both people want it as a sign of their commitment to each other. I just think people shouldn't consider it to be the last essential step to a relationship, but rather as a an option. Hey and about the coincedences, I need to take a notepad with me because I swear I forget lots of them by the time i get to blogging!

Dirkin said...

Oh yeah! merry xmas!