Domestic Drama

It doesn't feel good. Every day lately is a struggle.

I'm not greeted with good morning by H, instead I AND our daughters are greeted with a littany of complaints about what we've done wrong, not done, done too much of, etc. Following that are the neverending complaints about how much he hates our house, how he's so unhappy, how nothing is right or good enough ....or just enough in general. Great start to the day.

Even now as I write this I have to fight back tears. When its occurring I have to look away. I've tried being supportive, or explaining that we are each under some stress, or that the kids are just kids and not grown adults with communications degrees.

It's just so depressing to hear everything that comes out of his mouth be so negative. I really can't cope with it or process it. It's so overwhelming and such a huge burden that it affects every aspect of my life. I can't even work at work!

My mind is a jumble of thoughts and my heart is a mess of emotion. Bill are looming over our heads, H is depressed about things that can wait and is turning them into unsurmountable obstacles for all of us, work is a stress, I've recently had a baby, expenses are higher than ever.

I could cope with the bills and expense if there was any sort of positivity from my partner. If he could just take solace in a hug and togetherness ~ there isn't a whole lot else we can do. If he could sit down and problem solve with me and be willing to make the hard choices without constantly griping about how it will negatively affect HIM, we could begin to see the road under our feet if not the light at the end of the tunnel.

Instead it feels like he is becoming increasingly selfish. Always worried about how something will affect him or ruin his plans. Never understanding that his negativity is affecting everyone else.

It feels like I give him everything emotionally, but now I feel like shutting down. It's not the first time that this has happened. This weekend I realized that it felt like this when our last child was born. I don't know if it was the money problems or maybe an inability to deal with babies, but I know I felt pretty abandoned and found myself constantly protecting my kids. No - not from physical harm but from his constant irritation and griping and complaining and insulting.

It's like he gets through every day accumulating more and more shit minute by minute. He copes, he doles out what niceties he can muster, then he comes home and unburdens himself by dumping all of that shit - PLUS some - onto us.

Granted a family is supposed to be there to support you, but we can't be just a dumping ground. It feels like all I do anymore is listen to him vent, complain, and nag.

Men out there with nagging wives....I am a nagged wife. It never ends. It is constant. Sniping remarks, not so subtle accusations and insults, ragging and nagging and blaming. It's TOO MUCH!! I need relief. Our kids need relief.

Recently I figured out that my 13 yr. liked a certain boy but she denied it when I asked her about it. Her sister offered up that she really does like that boy - that 13 said that the boy is sometimes mean but she likes him. WOW - that hit me like a ton of bricks!!

We all are drawn to people with some personality trait(s) that exist in our family. Things that we are instantly comfortable with and already know how to cope with. We don't consciously realize that as it happens, but its true. What if 13 is attracted to mean boys? H can really be mean and has been especially so since the baby was born - and has gone through many phases where he's been especially so. What if our life is going to lead her into a life where she will have to spend her days enduring the nastiness of someone who just isn't happy with himself??

I'm seriously considering leaving. I don't know how though because we are mortgaged to the hilt and there are few places where I could afford to live on my own. OK - no I'm not thinking of leaving. Should I be?

While I was pregnant it was so good. I expected the worst because I remembered the last pregnancy and his attitude. But GOD he was so nice and kind and accomodating and considerate. It was absolute heaven. Naturally I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop...and it has.

It started while I was in the hospital and his daily visits would consist mostly of complaints about everything that's going wrong in life, bills, work, school, AND having to deal with "this" and having to come to the hospital every day. I finally on the last day broke down crying because I just couldn't deal with his talk any more. First of all he didn't have to come to the hospital every day. Secondly I am the one who went through 19 hours of labor, had a seizure, had my belly cut open, can't cough or sneeze, can barely walk, is stuck with tubes and needles and monitors, and who has a baby permanently attached to her breast now. So your problem is what??

Then when I didn't turn into his version of Suzy Homemaker within two weeks it just got worse. I had complications and lifting and driving restrictions....oh yeah and a baby permanently attached to my breast. So I couldn't carry the laundry up and down two flights of stairs, or go grocery shopping on my own, or sand the drywall, or paint, etc.

But anyway I digress. That doesn't matter. I'm just at my wits end and don't know what to do or how to cope or get through this.