We are. It's so tough. On the one hand I think everyone is going through it. I see the stories on the news and in the paper about all of the people succumbing to mortgage default and foreclosure. I want to believe we're just one of them, trying to hang on in a tough market. Truth be told we have a low fixed rate long term mortgage. So it's not like our mortgage payment is going up or adjusting - other than tax escrow.
Ok - prices are going up everywhere, aren't they? Isn't that the deal? Gas! Gawd - it cost $45 to fill up the freaking Honda. A HONDA!! It just doesn't usually cost that much. The Jeep - ok I'm not surprised when it creeps above 55, then 60, then 65. I expect it there. But not the tiny, zoomy, efficient little economy car.
Honestly though it's me. It's us. We suck at money management, plain and simple. We make bad choices. Both of us. Many times over the past several months I have posptponed paying a particular bill in favor of buying the best groceries - rather than the sale groceries; or in favor of buying a new outfit for an interview; or make up; or some random thing that seems small at the time. The thought process is that I can pay the bill with the next check. Oops I forgot that other bill...so if I pay this bill with this check then I have to postpone that other bill....but I'll pay that next time and DARNED if I didn't forget yet another bill that should have been paid with THAT check.
And so the cycle continues. What a freaking idiot!
My therapist had me keep a journal on how many times I beat myself up, to what degree (scale of 1-5) and over what. Numerous times a day, no matter what I'm doing - making a pb&j sandwich for the kids, cleaning, driving, whatever - I say "YOU ARE SUCH A MORON!" Typically that's because I'm thinking about some bill I didn't pay or the overall financial situation that I'm in. She was stunned at how many times I did this.
So today I feel desperate. We are in deep. Recently H had some $$ and I suggested that he could cover some of the bills. "NO!" he said "I have my own bills to worry about - that's my first priority." Makes me want to cry just thinking about that.
I transferred 87% of my recent net income to my savings for the past due mortgage payment that's due at the end of this month. 87%. How much cash would you have left if you took out 87%? Could it support you for the next two weeks? Buy your groceries? Your gasoline? Diapers? Pay childcare? Pay your gas bill, electric bill, auto insurance, - SHIT I just now realized that my plates are expired! So that's where I am.
This is the same place we were last winter. Struggling, living on the charge, behind on everything, with H not wanting to hear about the bills because he has his "own bills to worry about."
How do I approach this with him when I've already been shut down?
Today I told my daughter that she can't take guitar lessons any more because I can't afford the weekly fee. The girls can't go to ski club because I can't afford $30/week. I can't take them to movies. Can't buy them ANY new clothes. 13 makes all of her own spending money. Heck I can't even pay them an allowance.
What a moron!
1 comment:
Hey - from one "Jules" to another...I know how you're feeling, and I understand how hard it is for you. It sounds like you are making some efforts to cut back, and you will just have to keep doing that until you reach a point where your income exceeds your spending. It stinks to have to buy to "off brand" groceries, or to have to pass up that cute pair of shoes you've had your eye on...the worst is when you have to tell your kids "no" because you can't afford something. However, the alternative (bankruptcy, foreclosure, etc.) would be MUCH worse. (I know, been there/done that)
As for what to do about H, I wish I had some great advice. I can only suggest that you do what I did with my husband - make a list of ALL regularly occuring bills, and sit down with him and MAKE him look at it. It's not fun, and it's not easy, but it needs to be done. Maybe the two of you can then see where you can cut costs (like cable, phone bills, cell phones, etc.) You might just see a huge improvement in your relationship if you can get your financial situation straight. Just remember, if you ask H to give something up for the sake of the budget, then you need to be willing to do the same (and carry through with it).
Sorry for the loooooong comment - I just wish I had better advice!
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