The Drama Created By Values

This weekend H and I took a whole passle of tweens and teenagers on an afternoon outing at a local skating rink. Everything went very smoothly and all of the girls were well behaved and got along well - even the two who usually have a conflict.

Shortly after we arrived I noticed a guy admiring a pair of hockey skates someone had left in the lounge/changing area. He commented on them to a friend. The friend asked whose they were and the guy said "they aren't mine.....but I could make them mine. Should I?" I didn't hear that the other guy responded so I don't think he agreed necessarily.

I looked right at the guy and then at the skates so he'd know I heard what he said. He seemed to recognize that. He left and came back with an empty athletic bag. I really felt he was going to steal those skates and I tried to make it hard by blatantly staring at him. Unfortunately I had to help some of the tweens with their skates and when I looked up the guy, the bag, and the skates were gone.

Turns out we knew a number of people that were with this group. They introduced us to the guy that was thinking of taking the skates. He kept looking at me the whole time we were there. Being VERY pregnant, I wasn't skating. So I hung out in the lounge, which is the only heated area.

I tried to see if anyone would go near where the skates had been so I could identify who they belonged to. I mean if someone was there with skates, why weren't they skating? And if they weren't skating, where the heck were they?

I tried to talk to the office staff to tell them what I thought happened, but everytime I went near there the bad guy or his group were there. So I waited and watched and hoped for the best.

Eventually a woman came in and declared that her sons skates had been stolen. I described them and asked if I was correct - asked where they had been to be sure they were the same ones. Yep, they were, and they were apparently very expensive.

So I had to say what I saw and try to point the guy out. I knew he was still there. But I couldn't find him. So I had to point out the other guy that had been with him - which I hated doing because it turned out he was the father of a friend/acquaintance who was also there. But I thought he would know where the find bad guy.

Then I spotted bad guy and pointed him out. The people confronted him, he denied, they threatened to call the police. It was near the end of open skate and I was thinking that here I am with 12 kids and my husband and I'm going to have to hang around and tell the police what I heard, etc. etc. I guess that threat was enough for him and he went and got the skates out of his car. He's lucky they didn't press charges.

I felt really awkward after that because bad guy was telling the whole story to the people he was with, whom I knew, and I felt even a little bad even though I knew I'd done the right thing.

Next Drama.

Finally get home with all of these girls. I'm planning to start driving them home in 1/2 hour, which all the parents know, but one parent shows up. She has a history - can't tolerate her child doing anything independently. The mom is slurring, obviously under the influence. I wait a few minutes to be sure I'm seeing what I am and I am correct. Then I send her daughter from the room and tell the mom that I'm not letting her drive her daughter home.

She goes from happy and overley animated to dark and really pissed off. She says "I will call the police" and I said go ahead. Secretly I was wishing she would. She then says "fine, then I want my daughter home in 10 minutes" and I said I would be right behind her heading out of the driveway. STUPID!! I should have taken her keys and had my husband drive her car home so she wasn't driving at all - but I can only think of so much in the face of nerve wracking confrontation.

So I drive the daughter home. While driving - recognizing that this girl has been through so many similar incidents and is somewhat mortified - I explain why I did this. I explain that her safety is paramount. I ask if she knows that as a child she still has rights and even though it could be incredibly difficult to ever act on them, she does NOT have to get into a car with her mother when she's drinking. Not ever. She mumbles I know, but I know she really just wants me to shut up and wants this to be over.

As I arrive at the house behind her mom who is pulling into the garage, she comes out to the driveway and tells me to come into the house. I decline but roll down my window at which point she says "this is not real" and I say "yes it is"....

other mom: you are untrue
Me: No I'm entirely true and believe completely in what I've done
other mom: you are wrong about this
Me: I do not believe that I am - you are under the influence of something
other mom: says something that is a denial that she is under the influence
other mom: If you want to play games...
Me: I would not play games with your daughters life
other mom: I am not playing games with her life
Me: If you are driving while under the influence, you are
other mom: We'll see how this all plays out in court
Me: Fine - now I have to go home so please step away from my car

Then I decided I should stop at the police department to explain what just happened just in case the other mom decides to call them and tell them some drunken version. She never did call them, they took minimal notes and sent me on my way. They weren't going to do anything. They never do.

Later she calls me and I swear I think she doesn't even remember the incident. She babbles about some school related function that's supposed to happen the next day and then ends the call with me wondering what the heck she just called about.

So goes another episode. I wonder how many more there will be with this woman. I wonder what will ever become of her daughter. I wonder if the mom did anything to take out her anger on the daughter after she got home. I wonder if there is anything that can be done to save the daughter because I realize the mom is beyond that.

Drama.